shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
