took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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