i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
