peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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