trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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