I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
