I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Every concussion has its silver lining
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
