i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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