six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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