you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
