so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
