Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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