I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
