He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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