he puts the penis in happiness.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
