Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
