I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
