your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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