thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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