I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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