"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize