So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
