This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
