What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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