when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
