i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
