She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is wine microwaveable?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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