He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize