The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
