Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
