my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You are a genius and a whore.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
