Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
