I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
