We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
