I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
