oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize