In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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