I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
