i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
