i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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