what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
