i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
