I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
