I haven't been this sober since birth.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
