i jhust puked up my retainher.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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