So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my being single is dangerous.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
