just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
