community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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