I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
