Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
People in love make me want to vomit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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