an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
