If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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