He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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