So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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