Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize