Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
