Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize