He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
