I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
