It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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