i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
