if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
