Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
