Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
