mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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