Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
