Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
