I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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