Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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