Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
