i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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