Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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