wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
