okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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