She's JV to your varsity
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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