I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
