I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
