I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
