Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
